For much of my adult life, I practiced perfection.  I thought that if I just did things perfectly, the “credit” from that would make up for the bad or “debits” that I had done in the past. What I didn’t realize that life isn’t a balance sheet.

I have struggled to write this story because it doesn’t paint me in a “perfect” light.  It shows a woman who is imperfect and I am putting that woman out there on the internet for all the world to see.  That is a hard thing because all of us want to be seen in a good light.  Through this process of redefining myself, I have realized that I have to fight the inclination to present myself in a perfect light.

I have realized that it is better to be authentically me, with all my faults and virtues.  People who are interested will gravitate toward me and those are the people I want to cultivate relationships with.  Those people who aren’t interested won’t be wasting their time with who they thought I was or trying to make me into someone I am not.  I guess I am saying that my authenticity is a filter for those who really want to know me.

This is part of my story.

Many people know me as a successful high school teacher and university professor.  Fewer people know that 6 years ago my beloved husband of 22 years woke up one morning, made love to me, told me what he wanted for dinner, and then never came home.  He had run his business into debt that, combined with our marital debt, amounted to about $100,000.

At that time, if you had asked me, I would have told you I had the perfect marriage.  I loved my husband with all my heart.  I would have given up anything for him, my career, our lifestyle, anything.  But for weeks he had planned his escape from a marriage which I thought was perfect and which he thought was crushing.  He made a conscious choice, with his bags packed and already loaded in the truck, to look me in the eyes and be physically intimate with me.  He told me sweet loving words of forever, all the while planning on never seeing me again. That act was one of the most devastating moments of my life.

In 2007, after a year of unsuccessful marriage therapy and a cross-country move which my husband wanted and the marriage therapist encouraged, the marriage ended and my husband left to go back to our original home in North Carolina.  After signing a 3-year contract, I couldn’t pick up and move back home.  So I was left alone in a place where I didn’t have any support other than our exploitative and emotionally abusive marriage therapist who had followed me from NC.  I was in a very vulnerable place and it was easy for him to take advantage of the situation I was in.

In December of 2007, I began paying off $100,000 in debt.  And on May 18, 2012 that total debt was paid off… by me… alone.  Go me! It is probably one of the proudest accomplishments of my life.

When I realized I was eligible for sabbatical in 2013-2014,  I didn’t think I could afford it given that I really haven’t had time to amass much savings, but I am going to go for it anyway.  I decided to give up my apartment and most of all my belongings and, at 49 years old, to travel around the world alone, riding my bike, meeting people and exploring different cultures.  This blog is the story of that sabbatical as well as the lessons I have learned along the way about redefining life and creating the life I want to have for the last third of my time on this planet.