Monthly Archives: March 2014

The Most Boring Post Club…

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I have been really busy trying to figure out what I am doing with my life now that I am looking at the last half of my sabbatical. My fears and insecurities about my life have made it hard for me to write this blog.  As usual, my incredible friends have given me inspiration where I least expected it, from Facebook.  One of my friends posted a thread asking the question of if/how we know our lives had an impact. At the same time, another one posted in a group that is entitled “The Most Boring Post Club”.  Both of those things made me think pretty deeply about the stories of our lives.

We influence people every day, in every contact we have with them. Those influences aren’t necessarily good and it is important to remember that when we interact with people.  We can be friendly, give someone a smile, say hello, show compassion… or we can hurry along, ignoring someone, being cruel, making fun of people, judging.  I find it interesting that the most judgmental people I know are also those people who see the world around them as a bad place, their lives are never what they want them to be, and their pasts are littered with the emotional wreckage of their interactions with people.  But every day, we have a choice to be who we want to be.  Every day we can make our story and our impact on the world what we want it to be.  It doesn’t have to be a huge thing, it doesn’t have to be anything to do with our job.  It can be as simple as taking time for people, accepting, and understanding.

Enter, the second Facebook post, in a group called the Most Boring Post Club. Facebook is an interesting medium for communication.  I know people who will see this group, read some of the posts, see themselves in something someone posted that is similar to what they post on their own Facebook and think “I am boring”.  And then they will get insecure and change what they are posting to conform to what they think people want from them. Let me go on record right now, people give me grief all the time for what I post on Facebook.  Guess what?  It is MY Facebook page, if people don’t like it, they don’t have to read it.  Unfriend me. Please, it won’t hurt my feelings. I have no desire to make anyone else miserable by forcing them to read my Facebook.

Whether it is in real life or on Facebook, I don’t want to be wasting minutes of my life judging people’s behavior.  My life is short enough as it is, I don’t have time to waste.  Complaining about what someone else is posting on Facebook is wasting my time, what should I care what they post on their page?  There are REAL problems in the world that I can do something about, to have a positive impact on the world. I am not going to worry about whether I am boring to someone, that is a waste of my time.  In fact, if one of my posts makes it to the Most Boring Post Club, then it is a WIN because I just amused a whole group of people!  I might try to post boring stuff from now on, kind of like my campaign to post food pictures on Instagram ever since someone gave me grief about posting food pictures.  Yeah, I know, I don’t play by the “rules” where I conform whenever I am criticized.  I thank Matt for that.

I have said it before and am going to say it again…  be who you are and the people who want to be in your life will gravitate toward the authentic you, because you don’t want people who don’t want you for who you are.  Don’t worry about what other people are doing, what they look like, what they are wearing, eating, or posting on Facebook.  Gravitate toward those people who you like and who like you in return.  And don’t waste one second of the precious seconds of your life worrying about what people think of you or what other people are doing with their own lives.  If you want to have an impact, if you want to influence the world, just be yourself.

For me, I gravitate toward people who can show vulnerability.  That is a critical characteristic of people who I want as my friends.  If they can be vulnerable and show their “crazy” it gives me the freedom to be vulnerable in return. The people who influence me show courage, compassion, loyalty, forgiveness, acceptance, honesty, and who keep their word.  Everyone makes mistakes and has times where they screw up, but the people in my life who couldn’t consistently show those things are gone.  Period.

So post them up folks.  If you are my friend on Facebook, I want to know what you were eating, what your problems are, what you are doing today, what your insecurities are, and what you passions are.  I want to see your pictures and hear about your children and your travels.  I want you to be gloriously boring and amazingly authentic.  That is the way you can influence my life.  And if what I post bothers you, well, maybe you can find some better friends in the Most Boring Post Club.

 

Something old, something new…

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I had two times this week that my mind was blown.

Even though I am 50 years old and not a “digital native”, I am still pretty competent in the use of technological tools.  I am a “digital immigrant”, meaning that I remember a time before mainstream digital devices when communication was primarily face-to-face, via telephone, or handwritten letters. So even though I can use technology, I find that interacting with younger “digital natives” helps me to understand new social and emotional paradigms for using those technologies.

From some internet discussion forums I belong to, I know that real friendship can grow from online communities where people never have met in person.  I have met some of my most trusted friends online. And it isn’t just that we established a friendship online, that happens all the time, it is that we maintain friendships in a online space. That is a powerful shift in human interactions.  But until the other night, what I had never considered is that intimate relationships in the digital age can also be sustained online.

The other night I went to a goodbye party for my friend Kare who lives in Germany now.  He came to the states to snowboard and on his last night here we met for beer. I had a great conversation with Rachel, a woman Kare had worked with when he worked in the US and she gave me a perspective shift on intimate relationships that I had never considered.  Rachel is in her mid 30s so just on the cusp of the “digital divide”. Rachel is the definition of a strong, confident, independent woman who has a stable job, disposable income, and is emotionally secure in who she is.  We recognized pretty quickly that we are kindred spirits. Commiserating over beer at a local German bar in Seattle, we both described the same challenges for dating in Seattle. The Seattle dating scene (Dateless in Seattle) is pretty well documented and some even blame the tech factor for it.  Rachel had a different idea about technology

We were complaining that we meet men, either in person or through online dating, that say they want a “strong, confident, independent woman”… until they actually meet one.  That is when they realize that they really want a ball of fluff that is waiting for them to come home so she can fix them a sandwich and get them a beer.  Yeah, that isn’t gonna happen in my world or apparently Rachel’s either.  Rachel said to me, “Robin, you are not going to find a real man in Seattle, you have to go east coast”.  To which I replied that I have a job and can’t move to the east coast right now. She said, you don’t have to move, just use technology.  Then she told me her boyfriend lives in Pennsylvania and they have no intention of changing that situation any time soon.  They talk online daily and fly to see each other regularly. Her philosophy is that, in the 21st century, relationships can be defined differently than how we traditionally have thought of them. I sat there blinking at her with the owl stare because she had just rocked my world.  Wait a second, I thought…Intimate relationships can also be fostered online?  Mind = blown.  That totally opens the dating pool up to a wider spectrum. An interesting shift in perspective that I need to think about more. Thanks Rachel!

1796702_610644625682982_709339069_nLater in the week, my roommate and I threw our first small house party with a few ski friends. I have to say, it was great just interacting with them again. Between laughing over Cards Against Humanity to watching the Boy Dance Party SNL skit, I Iaughed hard enough that my sides hurt and I realized how much I have missed them and love their company.  At the end of the night, my roommate and I were cleaning up and I noticed that she had used an antique plate that belonged to her grandmother to serve food. When I questioned her about it, she said “what is the point of having it if it doesn’t get used?”.  Again mind = blown.  I was reminded of why I gave up all my stuff. The thing I realized this week is that the possessions aren’t the problem, it is the fact that for many people, they don’t use what they have.  They keep the good candle, china, lingerie, clothes, or whatever it is they have in storage for a “special occasion”.  Well, today is special.  You woke up, you are reading this blog, you are alive.  Celebrate.  Break out the good _______ (fill in the blank with whatever you have hoarded away). Use it.  Light candles, buy flowers, eat the good chocolate, and invite people over that you haven’t seen in awhile. Why?  Well because it is Monday that is why.  You don’t need a reason to live and love your life or to cultivate friendships.  Cultivate those friendships like you cultivate a garden, friendship is food for your soul.

So this week I learned from something old and something new.  Maybe next week, I will learn from something borrowed and something blue.  I never know where life’s lessons are coming from, I just try to be open to whatever I am learning.  Have a great week.