I really appreciate hearing from people who are reading this blog.  I want to set the record straight and admit that I don’t actually have any answers to the mysteries of life.  The only thing I know is the path that I personally have walked to get here to this moment.

I struggle as much as anyone.  I struggle with insecurities, feelings of sadness and despair, of self-doubt and recriminations, and pretty much everything that a human being can struggle with.  One of the lessons I have learned in the past few years is that as human beings, we have a whole range of emotions.  The idea that we always need to be “happy” is not viable. In order to even understand what happy is you have to have felt sad at one time.  To understand joy, you need to understand despair.  They are all valid human emotions and in order to be centered, we have to understand and allow all of them to be part of us.  We have to embrace the sad as well as the happy.  It all just IS.

One thing that helps me through the dark times is a mantra, “the pain I go through today becomes the well of strength I will draw upon tomorrow.”   Adversity is a great catalyst for growth and you have to embrace the hard times as exercise for your emotions just like you would embrace a physical exercise program for the health of your body. It isn’t easy, but it will ultimately make you stronger.   Avoiding your problems weakens you.  Avoiding problems in relationships weakens the relationship. You have to face problems, as well as life, head on.

This weekend, I came over to eastern Washington to return some items to friends who I probably won’t see again until next year and to spend time at their cabin.  I brought a few friends over with me to do some hiking.  In the evenings, I sat and listened to the intellectual discussion of my extremely intelligent friends swirl around me. I laughed with them at the humorous anecdotes they shared.  I listened to their stories of heartbreak and their hopes for the future.  I felt the joy of their love for each other and for me.  At the same time, I knew that those moments weren’t going to happen again for a long time with this group of people, if they ever happen again.

As I prepare to embark on this journey, saying goodbye even temporarily is by far the hardest thing I have had to do.  Leaving people you love is difficult for all of us.  We long for them and grieve that we can’t be with them.  Those emotions of longing and sadness are the price we pay for loving people.  I would rather sit with my sadness and longing and feel it deep in my soul than give up one moment of the joy of being loved by my friends.