Category Archives: teaching

Please do not feed the troll…

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Our dreams do not necessarily have to be fulfilled in order for us to be happy. Nurturing hopes is meaningful in and of itself. It is worth working toward them, regardless of the outcome. When we make this shift away from results, we will find greater courage to act on our aspirations for the world. We will find our nobility of heart.  ~Karmapa

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Troll Under the Bridge, Seattle WA

Yesterday, I got trolled. It has happened before, I have my own personal troll who not only knows me, he knows what my triggers are and he likes to push them.  This troll directly targeted me and specifically mentioned this blog. For a little while, I let it get to me.  The problem with trolls is their goal is to get a rise out of you so if you respond to them, you are giving them what they want. It is called “feeding the troll”. Yesterday, I reacted and fed the troll. I wasn’t very nice in my response to him. Next time, instead of responding, I will let the forum moderator deal with him from the beginning.

The troll in fact, did me a favor.  I was pretty distraught about it for awhile yesterday.  I kept trying to fight my distress by asking myself the question: why would I allow my energy to get wrapped up in the words of someone who has no integrity? Trolling is an act of cowardice. It is someone hiding behind the anonymity of the internet for the purpose of causing distress and I was the specific target of this person. Why would I give that my emotion or my time? Lesson learned. My modus operandi in life, if I have something to say, I either need to have the integrity to say it without hiding who I am or I just need to shut up. It isn’t very hard to figure out where I stand on things, all someone has to do is ask me. However yesterday, my line of thought wasn’t working, I was projecting my own core values onto the situation and that was the wrong way for me to try to think my way out of my distress.

Then I realized a very simple truth, trolls exist where there is good discussion happening.  And the forum I was using is one of the best for stimulating interesting discussion. The troll had hit me hard by insinuating that, from reading my “journal”, he believed that I would agree with what he was saying.  “One thing that I hear people tell others who are in pain or experiencing change and loss is the remark ‘it’s going to be OK’. I think this is said in consolation but I think it’s also misleading and naive. It’s not going to be ok, for many people it didn’t work out or as luck would have it, life didn’t present those opportunities or just persisted circling the drain. Sometimes for reasons beyond our control or influence. Looking at your journal, I think you would agree, it will be OK if like anything else, you make the effort to problem solve, sacrifice, work hard, and accept that life often is sour grapes, loss, pain, and very arbitrary.”

I felt a little sad for the troll and his outlook on life, he doesn’t seem like a very happy person. But his unhappiness helped me clarify my beliefs a little better, so thank you Mr. Troll.  I believe that, yes, life has some sour grapes, loss, pain, and can seem arbitrary, but I don’t believe life IS any of those things. Life has balance, there can be no joy without sorrow, there can be no light without darkness, and there can be no wine without sour grapes.  There can be no great conversation or shifts in perspective if we only have conversations with people that agree with us. Yin-yang.  Life, with all its good and bad, is full, rich, sweet, abundant and wonderful.

And I truly believe that life is going to be okay. I don’t believe my life it is necessarily going to work out the way I wanted, but I believe it is exactly as it should be right now at this moment.  No matter how bad, how impossible something is to overcome, or how egregiously people have hurt me, I just have to nourish my hopes and stay on this side of the ground. I have to love those that are in my life in the moment that they are with me, so that when when they aren’t there, I remember that love.  I have to nourish my mind with new experiences and learning so that I have more than one way of doing things, that helps me from being “stuck“.  I have to nourish my soul by doing that which I think I can’t, even if I try and fail, until I find a measure of success. I have to live life with all my senses, emotions, and in the moment that I have.  It might be the only moment I am given.  That is the only way I know how to do it.

The next 50 years…

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Song for the day:  Tom Petty’s  “Learning to Fly”
I’m learning to fly, but I ain’t got wings.  Coming down, is the hardest thing.
I’m learning to fly, around the clouds.  But what goes up, must come down.

I never said I was doing this right,  I just said I was doing it.  Yesterday, I needed a reality check. Thanks Carl, Panos and Dawit for helping me have a shift in perspective.

Sometimes, I need a good swift kick in the pants to wake me up. I have spent a week in the doom and gloom of the “woe is me” phenomena.  What if I made a mistake in coming here?  What if the situation doesn’t change, how am I going to do my job?  What if…what if…what if…   Carl, thank you for giving me the first perspective shift with that one sentence:  I am here now, so instead of complaining, what can I do to change the problems?  Yes, I know that I can’t change everything and I need to stop letting that be a limiting factor.  The question I need to ask myself is what CAN I do instead of dwelling on what I believe can’t happen.   Believing in what can’t happen is the limiting thought we all have at times, and it is the thing we need to fight more than any other human behavior.

It was once believed it was impossible for a human being to break the 4 minute mile in running, until one man did it. Within a year after the first man did it, over a hundred others had done it also.   As human beings, we are only limited by what we believe is impossible.  I have to believe that all things are possible.

The second perspective shift I had was when someone else told me that I “am part of the 50 year plan”. I need to stop thinking that I am going to save the world tomorrow.  I am one piece of a puzzle that fits together, hopefully effecting change in the next 50 years.  It is a process and I am just one cog in the process.  My business is STEM education.  The practical applications of STEM disciplines (engineering, applied math, technology, etc) are a major key to improving the quality of human life in basic services such as clean water, sanitation, energy, shelter, infrastructure, food production and communications.  I believe that we have a collective responsibility to improve the lives of people around the world in respect to these basic services and key to that provision is educating a generation of students capable of providing solutions in their own countries.  That is how I can effect change.  Now I just need to do that without whining.

Interesting thing about the 50 year plan:  I will turn 50 years old in a couple of weeks. So I will never see the 50 year plan come to fruition, I just have to believe that actions I take will actually make a difference.   In 50 more years, my two beautiful granddaughters will be my age. What kind of world will they get to live in?  And how can my actions today make it better for them when they are 50?

I get so irritated with myself for not being able to stop playing the tape in my head. Here is how my tape goes: “I miss my grandchildren and I miss enjoying firsthand what wonderful parents my son and daughter-in-law are.  I miss my beautiful effervescent daughter and all she adds to my daily life. I miss my amazing friends and the strength they give me every day to do the things I do.  I miss my bike.  I miss the freedom and independence of having a car to go wherever and whenever I want to. I miss being able to hang out on the internet all hours of the day”.  Okay…there is my pity party… now … get over it Robin. Shut the tape off.  The third perspective shift I am going to give myself right now.  Here it goes:   I have had the most amazing life anyone could ask for.  I have been able to travel to every inhabited continent on the planet.  I have had an incredible career that has allowed me to make a difference in so many peoples’ lives.  I have the two most remarkable children on the planet and they are both now in relationships with loving partners who are as wonderful as they are.  On top of all that, I am blessed with these two intelligent, loving, beautiful grandchildren that astonish me every time I am around them.  I have a loving family and supportive friends.  So WHAT TO HELL AM I COMPLAINING ABOUT????  I need to do the job I came here to do and know that all those things will be there when I get back.

When I focus on the negative aspects of life and my situation, I am a pretty miserable person. When I take the time to notice and give thanks for the positive things in life, I am a happy person.  So today I have a choice: miserable or happy, what is it going to be?

Today, my goal is to take pictures of the beauty I see around me.  There are a lot of things that are horrific, but there even more things that are beautiful.  Today is a day to focus on the beauty of Addis Ababa.  No complaining.  One day at a time.  Breathe, be aware, smile, and own it.  50 more years…

The practical side:

Practically speaking, I would say our greatest need is for a generator so that we could have consistent power.  Second most important is means of communication, both snail-mail and internet.  I am going to research the cost of a post-office box for the school and I am trying to find out how to get satellite internet.  I see satellite dishes everywhere and there has to be a reason for that.  But of course satellite dishes require power so we are back to our greatest need of a generator.

A Sense of Community

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There can be no vulnerability without risk; there can be no community without vulnerability; there can be no peace, and ultimately no life, without community. ~ M. Scott Peck

Village house

Village house

Ethiopia is not what I expected.  The truth is, I am not sure that anyone could ever imagine what it is like until you experience it with your own senses. The sounds, the smells, the absolute essence of stepping back in time to the birthplace of humanity, none of that can be understood until you experience it. It is truly an amazing place.

The street near my school

The street near my school

Ethiopia is a contrasts in opposites. New, modern houses are built next to shanties.  Horses, donkeys, goats, etc share the road with cars.  Farmers growing teff to make injera and using wooden plows next to a modern university of stone and glass. Barefoot beggars share the street with men in Armani suits.  People precariously cross the highway, dodging between buses, taxis and livestock. Beautiful new buildings are constructed with scaffolding made from eucalyptus branches. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to any of it.  Some would call it chaos.  I call it humanity.

Church on the hill

Church on the hill

The sights, sounds, smells, and tastes of Ethiopia are like seeing, hearing, smelling, and tasting time itself.  It is the oldest culture in the world.  Time is started at daylight, when the sun comes up, so dawn is 1 o’clock…a new day.   Every morning at dawn, the monks from a nearby church greet the day with chanting and drums.  I lay in bed and listen to the sounds as well as the oxen lowing in a nearby field. The smells of sewage are offset by the smell of freshly cut grass.  The sour taste of injera, spicy wot, and the most amazing coffee I have ever had in my life make all my taste buds come alive.

Eucalyptus scaffolding

Eucalyptus scaffolding

Having always traveled as a tourist, I am realizing that visiting in a foreign country is very different from living in one.  It is strange and foreign land after spending my life in the sterile environment of the U.S., a place where everything seems so orderly by comparison.  In the US, I turn on a faucet and have clean drinking water.  I flick a switch and have dependable electricity.  I pay a bill and have reliable internet access. I want groceries and supplies for my home, I can get it all at one store. Life is easy in the U.S.

Shanties

Shanties

In Ethiopia, life is harder. The internet hasn’t worked in 3 weeks at my school (I came to am American hotel and had to pay $15 for a day of wifi), the power goes out on a daily basis, shopping requires several stops to different stores and paying the ferengi [foreigner] price, and then there are the daily difficulties of acquiring clean water.  For me it is difficult but still easier than it is for most Ethiopians, because I have money and resources.  For the average Ethiopian, it is much harder. To offset the hardships, people here depend on each other.

Modern housing

Modern housing

There is a sense of community, history, and belonging that I rarely see in the U.S. where we don’t need each other for basic survival.  But in our isolation from each other, Americans also lose a sense of emotional connection that many (including myself) continually search for.  Connection and community are two things go hand in hand.  But to be connected, we have to be vulnerable to people.  We have to open up and show others what we need and we have to meet those needs in other people in our community. For many of us, this kind of vulnerability is hard.

Brooklyn

Brooklyn

Charlotte

Charlotte

So I begin this year of renewal and transformation.  I am not convinced yet that I can do it, either the job I am being asked to do or just staying so long outside the U.S.  I am already missing my family terribly.  Spending the last week with Charlotte and Brooklyn has made me long for more time with them.   I long for a sense of community of my own.

NOTE: I had a lot of trouble with pictures today.  I forgot the cord to the camera that I had the majority of my photo on back at my apartment. So here is link to the ones I already uploaded to my drive. I will try to put the rest up later when I get back to an internet connection.  http://sdrv.ms/1dxhsFh

Sometimes, it is the right question at just the right time…

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I have 5 more days in the US, 4 here in North Carolina with my son and his family and then 1 day in Washington DC before leaving for my new home in Africa.  As a person who has always considered herself a homebody, this is stretching me a lot.  I read an article this morning about the state of the telecom industry and the unreliability of wifi and I am worrying about how to stay connected with my family and friends who are such a great source of support for me.  I guess I will have to figure it out.

My son asked me a great question the other night that really made me think.  He asked me what I was most looking forward to.  I gave him a quick answer but then I really started thinking about the question more in depth.  I think the thing that I am most looking forward to is a whole year of teaching math at the high school level.

For the record, I loved teaching high school math.  I love that level of mathematics and I enjoy seeing students get excited about a subject that is difficult and frustrating while also necessary and essential for 21st century life. High school math is the gatekeeper to higher education so the ability to teach students and watch them reach their potential so they have the opportunity to go to college is a huge source of satisfaction for me.  I have missed it the last 12 years of my life while I have been in higher education. I am looking forward to seeing my students in Ethiopia reach that potential.  I am even looking forward to the challenges of having to negotiate two languages and limited resources.

I have also missed that age group of students.  They are just on the cusp of becoming adults. They have so much potential and aren’t yet jaded with ideas of what they “can’t” do.  At that age, they believe they can change the world.  At 49, I am still one of those people that never lost that belief that I can change the world and being around their energy always just fills up my spirit.

I left teaching in 2001 to go back and get a PhD because I didn’t feel like I knew everything I needed to be able to reach all my students.  I always intended to go back the classroom.  Teaching in higher education was never a goal for me. I left a very collaborative high school teaching situation and went to grad school and was captivated by research.  I think my love of research had more to do with interacting with a group of intelligent grad students and professors who were having great conversations and working together to find solutions for the problems in education.  Being an isolated faculty member in higher education isn’t like it was in grad school.  Research loses its luster when it is done in isolation.

The other issue I have in higher education is the content I am currently teaching.  I am a great math teacher.  I am great at facilitating professional development for teachers who like me, just want to know more about how to teach their students better.  I suck at teaching math education to people who have never taught before and who have no idea what teaching is really going to be like.  I find I have little tolerance for rigid ideas of what classrooms are “supposed” to be like. I think classrooms are as individual as the teachers and students who fill them and what works for one teacher and group of students isn’t necessarily going to work for another. So when I teach math education, I have tried to teach aspiring teachers to find their own way.  The college students I teach perceive that I am not actually “teaching” them anything.  The problem is that I can’t teach them what they want to know and I don’t have the patience and tolerance for consistently trying to break through their ingrained beliefs of what education is “supposed” to be like that my colleagues seem to be able to do.

Between the frustrations of research and teaching, I have not been very successful in my current position so I am most looking forward to the chance to get back to my roots.  I am looking forward to teaching high school math again. I hope it will help me make some decisions about my future.