Today I lacked motivation on all fronts.  I stayed at a hotel last night and visited with a friend and watched her race a short track mountain bike race.  The race was fabulous…you rock Beth! But the hotel about did me in.  I slept for 9 hours straight. Those people who know me know that I rarely sleep more than 5-6 hour at a stretch.  This morning I got up and the hotel had a breakfast buffet so I didn’t even have to scrounge for breakfast. And they had hot water that didn’t need to be boiled over a fire, free WiFi, and flush toilets.  I was living in decadence.

I had decided to forgo my morning ride and just hang out and chill, yet it was also time for a blog post.  I was struggling to find something to blog about and my friend Kurt suggested that if I get out and ride, I would find my motivation as well as my post.  Way to light a fire under my ass there Kurt! I did find it a bit ironic that, after 2 weeks of camping out with hiking and cycling and only sporadic access to showers that Kurt suggested I ride to Hygiene CO, but I have to admit, riding this morning gave me motivation for this blog post.

I got my bike kit out of the car and then dragged my feet upstairs to change.  I pulled my Team Collin kit out from my bag.  Whenever I put on that kit, I feel motivated to ride.  In case you haven’t read the right sidebar of this blog, I am a member of Team Collin.  To give you the backstory:

Team Collin

Team Collin started as a group of cycling enthusiasts from around the country who ‘met’ through an online cycling forum called “the Lounge”; on occasion a few forum members would meet to ride together and socialize.  The seeds of Team Collin were planted in 2008 when Collin, the 7-month old son of one of our forum members, was diagnosed with an aggressive type of leukemia. Collin’s family would keep the forum updated as his difficult treatment progressed while ‘Loungers’ offered prayers and support of various kinds. Every little improvement in Collin’s condition was celebrated by hundreds of people all over country as his courageous battle became a focal point for so many who were themselves cancer patients/survivors, or who had lost loved ones to cancer. 

In the spring of 2010, just after his 2nd birthday, Collin lost his battle and passed on in the arms of his loving family.  The members of the Lounge collectively mourned his loss, and his death became an event that acted as the catalyst to finalize the formation of Team Collin. As the team’s namesake, his memory and his courage are celebrated when Team Collin gathers every year to support fund-raising to support cancer research, treatment and education.

I will ride with them next week in Indianapolis.  

So I put my kit on this morning, and it felt like cloaking myself in armor and going off to war.  Not a war to end life, but a war against cancer.  It is a very simple thing for me to use my health and fitness to help others.  I ride with a list of names in my jersey of people who I know whose lives have been affected by cancer. Many of them can’t ride anymore, so I ride for them.

But for me, that kit represents more than that. I am not sure I can articulate this, but Collin’s life has touched mine. I didn’t know him, I wasn’t even a member of the forum when he was sick, and I have never met his parents. But I have heard the story and because I am committed to using my health to battle illness, I did something crazy and unpredictable.  I, an inexperienced cyclist who had never met any of these people in real life, asked to be part of Team Collin. I actually didn’t think they would say yes, but they did.  They taught me about bikes and cycling. They taught me about relationships, compassion, and life. They helped me find my voice as a strong, confident, independent woman.  They have helped me change my life.

Then one day, I got my team kit. The first time I rode with it on, I realized the riding was different.  I was more confident and I pushed myself harder  I would fearlessly try things that had scared me in the past.  It was like the kit gave me superhero powers.  I didn’t question it, I just wore it hoping to generate interest and support for Team Collin.

Today, as I got dressed, I really let myself think about how differently I felt and rode when I put the kit on. My lack of motivation for riding disappeared. I donned the rest of my gear and hit the road, in a strange place that I have never ridden before, unafraid.  I am always more careful to ride with good etiquette when I am wearing the kit because I want to always be promoting the sport of cycling in a way that would honor Collin. I always push myself harder because I want any who sees me in that kit to see me giving my best, in honor of Collin. I think of my teammates, who give of their time to ride this event every year, who come from all over the country at great personal expense, and I want to ride well for them, in honor of Collin.

As I was riding and realizing all that this morning, a thought hit me: Why do I wait to put on the kit to face my life unafraid?  Why can’t I use the lesson that Collin has taught me over the last year as a member of Team Collin and participant of the Lounge, to live fully every day of my life?  And I realized that I am doing just that. This little boy who didn’t have a chance to grow up and learn how to ride inspires me to ride every day. His memory gives me courage to be the woman I want to be and to live my best life.  When I am faced with new experiences or strange situations where I am out of my comfort zone, I ask myself, what would Collin tell me to do?  I think he would say to go for it, live life every day fully in each moment, it might be the only moment you have.

Thank you for giving me courage Collin, I know your spirit rides with me every day.