Thanks to Matt (the other one) for the guest blog post. Between the inconsistent internet in Nepal and traveling, I have had trouble keeping up with blogging so I really appreciated him stepping in. I especially want to say to Matt, thank you for speaking from your heart. It is hard to let yourself be vulnerable and write what you feel for the internet to see. It is like exposing your insides. It takes courage and authenticity. You did it very well. If I haven’t said it before, thank you for your support during that time in my life. I am not sure how I would have done it without you. And those were my favorite shorts, btw. I can’t believe I let you talk me into getting rid of them!!!!!

I am not sure what my motivation was for going to Nepal and altering my trip to Spain, I guess I just reacted to an opportunity that presented itself. But whatever the motivation was, I have absolutely no regrets about going. The experience increased my confidence in myself and my ability to handle most situations calmly and without worrying and for that alone, it would have been worth it. To go with no plan and just take life’s experiences as they happened was a very eye opening experience for someone who has always been a planner. It was totally spontaneous and joyful.

This post was going to be about all that I learned in Nepal. Yet just typing that last paragraph made me think about my former marriage. Maybe there is a lesson I am supposed to be learning that I haven’t seen yet. It is interesting, when we went to marriage therapy, my ex and I had to meet with the marriage therapist and we had to tell him our goals for therapy, i.e. what we hoped to get out of it. My ex’s goal was for me to be more spontaneous.  I think this trip shows that I have pretty much reached that goal. My goal was to have a partner, someone who would be honest with me about the good and the bad, letting me help in times of struggle and celebrate his successes in times of joy. Someone who wouldn’t just run away and check out like he did when things were hard, because he was too intimidated by my success to tell me of his troubles. That still holds true of what I want in a partner today. A partnership is about communicating the good and the bad to your mate, letting them see who you are, letting them stand beside you, supporting each other in all things, cheering each other on, encouraging each other. At least that is what a partnership means to me.

After typing all that, I was going to rewrite this post with its intended focus of all the great things I learned from my trip.  It is not quite 5 am here in Barcelona and it is pouring outside, I am a little sick and a little jet-lagged. And it just hit me that it is Nov 17. Five years ago on this day, a judge signed a decree and pronounced me a single woman after being happily married over half my life.

Letting go is hard. That is my lesson for today.