Tag Archives: travel

You need a bigger sample size…

Posted on by

I have a minor in statistics so I understand the value of a large sample size to filter out anomalies in data.  With data on finances or school statistics, that is easy to see.  But it is harder to realize that that same thing applies to people and experiences.

This building a new identity in my 40’s is tough stuff.  Identity formation is the development of our personality.  A lot of people believe that it is finite, that it develops during your teens and then stays fixed. I don’t believe that.  I believe it is always evolving and is effected by lots of factors like our biology, culture, people who love us, people who have harmed us and which we have caused harm to, our actions (both good and bad), experiences we have had, and choices made all of which form who we are at this moment (source: Palmer, P.J., The heart of a teacher: Identity and integrity in teaching).  It is a continual process which happens throughout our lives.  Our identity is what defines the characteristics which other people recognize in us and establishes our reputation. It both gives us a sense of uniqueness from others yet also defines groups we identify with.

When I was married, my identity was as a wife, mother, teacher, learner, sister, daughter…the interesting thing is that all those things define a life of being lived for others.  There was no point where others ended and I began, I put everyone else before myself always.  My whole life was solely defined by doing things for others.  One of the things I have come to realize since my divorce is that my ex didn’t really love me, he loved the idea of me. He loved the things I could offer his life, but he didn’t really even know who I am.  But that might be my fault, I didn’t really have a “me” at that time.  When my marriage ended, with my children grown, one of the hardest questions I have faced is How do I want myself to be defined? Who do I want to be now?

One of the things I have been privileged to do since my divorce is to participate in great activities with lots of amazing and diverse people. Adventure defines a major part of who I am today. I was struck by that on my travels when I met a bunch of adventurous people in their 20’s and 30’s at a wedding I went to. In one of those surreal moments of my life, after telling them about my travels this summer and my upcoming sabbatical in Africa, one of these beautiful, adventurous, dynamic people said “I want to be like you”.  I had to laugh because I was thinking I wanted to be as unrestrained and adventurous as she was.  Her comment gave me food for thought and a change in perspective of how I view myself.

I love it when that happens, a perspective shift.  That is one of the benefits of meeting new people and having new adventures.  It gives me a chance to see how other people view me and my behavior. It gives me a glimpse to see their perceptions of the identity I have created. It provides opportunities to see what is working or not.  So with both activities and people, sometimes what I need is a bigger sample size… I think that is the benefit of traveling and meeting new people.  I see things from different perspectives, I learn new ideas and ways of thinking, I push the boundaries of my beliefs about self and others.  I open my mind to new opportunities.

P1050217

Kelsey and Chris make a beautiful couple

I have been privileged in the past few weeks to meet many really exceptional people.  From the two guys I picked up hitchhiking in Yosemite after they had been backpacking for a week, reconnecting with people from my former life, meeting the wonderful wedding guests of my friends Chris and Kelsey,  and interacting with the amazing people I am getting ready to meet at 24 Hours of Booty in Indianapolis this week, I have been blessed with opportunities for growth and enrichment.  All of them have impacted my life and helped me understand even more emphatically that I am on the right path for my life.

If you are finding yourself stuck and know you want to make changes in your life, there is only one way to do that, you have to increase your sample size.  You have to do things differently, new experiences, new people.  It really is the path to self-exploration and growth.

Thanks to all for the gift of the time you have spent with me in the last few weeks. Your time is really the most valuable thing you have to give.  And thanks for helping me increase my sample size.

Walking with the Raven

Posted on by

I flunked therapy…not the class, the actual experience of psychotherapy.  Yes, that is right, I am too crazy for the mental health community to “help”.  Today, I am going to give you a clear glimpse into my “crazy”.

I traveled from Seattle, stopping in Oregon then Nevada and down to California to visit Yosemite.  I spent a couple of days of camping and cycling.  Then I drove through Utah, spending some time at Great Basin National Park, before heading to Moab and doing some desert hiking and then to Colorado. I cycled in all of those states and I am getting more comfortable riding in new places by myself.

Cycling near Moab. Colorado River

Cycling near Moab. Colorado River

I am starting to look forward to heading to Europe and even considering taking my bike when I head off to Africa to work.

Home sweet home

Home sweet home

I also am getting more comfortable camping by myself in unfamiliar places and, in general, with the whole experience of living a very minimalist life. I am becoming pretty good at setting up and taking down my tent, I have had my first bear experience, my first injury by myself when I cut my foot pretty badly, and have been challenged by laundry, disorganization, and lack of electricity. My grooming has suffered and I am looking like the dirty filthy hippie I think I am.  I seriously could use a spa day and some waxing.  But that isn’t why I am crazy.  Now I just look as crazy on the outside as I am on the inside.

What makes me crazy is how I see the world around me around me.  In the last two weeks as I have traveled through six states and three national parks, I have seen some of the most amazing sights my eyes could have ever looked upon. Truly, I live in a wondrous land.

Ships made of stone

Ships made of stone

I have seen ships made of stone sailing on a sea of sagebrush.  I have seen stone sentinels, guardians of the ancient places where men long dead once walked.  I look in awe at stone monuments which allow me to understand how fleeting my time is upon this earth.  I feel the magic in these ancient places.

Sentinals

Sentinels

I have seen the bones of creatures long dead and pots made by women who gave birth and raised children in caves that could only be reached by rope ladders hanging hundreds of feet above the ground.  Can you imagine raising a two year old in a cave 200 feet above the ground, with no baby gates, and the only way out is up a treacherous rope ladder to the top of a mesa?  P1040479The only thought to why they would do that would have been protection, safety.  I allow myself to imagine the fear that it must have taken to drive these people to live in such a dangerous place.  These are a people who have long been gone from this earth, leaving no history except for broken clay pottery and crumbling ruins of caves.  We use their artifacts to recreate what we believe their lives were like.  Will someone do that with our plasticware and ruins of skyscrapers?

I am crazy because I look around the world and I see the textures of the land. P1040542 P1040591 I see the contrasts in colors.  I see beauty everywhere. I believe you can find beautiful things even in the most “ugly” of places or people.  I see a land of valleys so vast they seem to be endless…the mountains that bound them so distant as to seem a mirage.  The mountains that ring those valleys are so high they are like great stone ramparts cast before the distant sky.  When you climb them, the decrease in oxygen is noticeable, your head hurts and your actions, even simple steps, take more effort.
P1030898 P1030939 P1030672 P1030726

There are barren valleys filled with salt, a world so harsh and desolate that it is amazing that anything can survive.

P1030749 P1030891 P1030988

Yet everywhere you look, there are living organisms, creatures that eek out life in the harshest of conditions.  There is cactus, sagebrush, tumbleweeds, lizards, snakes, birds of all kinds.  And there are ravens.

P1040538 P1040537 P1030679

When I was a younger, I had a rough time and was pretty messed up for a while. I had several Native American friends.  One of them said to me at one time that I would never find my true spirit until I walked with the Raven.  Whether that was said in a drug induced marijuana haze or if he really had a vision for my life, I don’t know.  I only know that I have long had an affinity for corvids and on this trip, everywhere I have gone, every time I have had a powerful physical or emotional experience, it had been punctuated by the presence of a raven.  Crazy huh?  That is a hard thing to admit. Here I am trying to do some pre-sabbatical solo cross country cycling/camping trip as a warm up for heading off into Europe and Africa.  I really am out of my mind.

I believe there is more to life than what we can see and hear and touch.  Isn’t that what faith is?  Believing in the unseen?  Trust is another one of those things that isn’t tangible, yet we do it anyway.  So every time I see a raven, I think of the prophecy. Who am I to say that it is too fanciful to be real?  I am beginning to believe this trip is really what my friend was talking about.

At this time in my life, I am dependent on no one.  This time, I walk freely with the metaphorical Raven, learning, growing, feeling, allowing myself to just BE.  I am struggling to define my new place in the world as a single woman, an academic, a writer, a grandmother, a cyclist, and a traveler. Crazy.

Adventures with Nana

Posted on by

I remember very clearly what I was doing on this day 2 years ago.  I sat in my apartment on pins and needles waiting while 3000 miles away, my two beautiful granddaughters were being born.  spring-29Their names are Brooklyn and Charlotte and they are the most amazing, intelligent, beautiful, loving grandchildren on the whole planet. 

I sat here that day, waiting…and waiting…and waiting. I find that it is especially hard to be away from family during times that elicit strong emotions, things like births, weddings, and funerals.  You sit alone and wait for news while people who are physically there are caught up in the event and don’t necessarily have time or the capacity to send out notifications. But the really hard part is wanting someone to share the emotion with, someone who will feel the joy or the sorrow with you, someone to cry with, someone to hug. One of the hardest things about my relationship with Brooklyn & Charlotte is being the grandparent who is “from away”. Their other three grandparents live nearby and see them often so have stronger bonds with them as a result. I have to admit I am envious.

When my son and my daughter-in-law chose the girls’ names, I figured out a way that I could have a special bond with them of my own. I looked up the names Brooklyn and Charlotte as cities. There are 8 towns named Brooklyn and 6 named Charlotte in the U.S. So when the girls get to be about 7 years old, every summer we are going to take a vacation. Welcome-to-Brooklyn-Highway-Sign welcomeWe are going to go two towns, one of each. We are going to have our pictures taken next to the Welcome to Brooklyn or Welcome to Charlotte sign, do a little cycling, and figure out the special things those towns have to offer. I want the girls to realize that everywhere in the world is some place special. Adventure doesn’t have to be about traveling to exotic places, you can find adventure in your own backyard. The easiest way to be happy in a place is to look at where you live through the eyes of a tourist and find the interesting, funky things that make the place you live in special. That is the legacy I want to leave them with. I am calling these trips “Adventures with Nana”.

When you have children, you worry about everything. Where will they go to school, what if they get in trouble, what if they get a C in algebra, are they hanging around the “right” friends, etc. and those are all things you are supposed to worry about, that is what a parent’s job is. But when you are a grandparent, you only have one task, one thing to teach them about life. Your only job is to show them that, no matter what, they are worthy of love and belonging.

Happy 2nd birthday to my beautiful granddaughters. Nana loves you always and misses you more than you could ever imagine.