I can’t believe how fast the summer has gone.  All of a sudden, I only have on week left in Seattle, then a week in eastern Washington before I fly to the east coast to see my family in Maine and North Carolina.  And then I leave the country. Where did the time go?

I have been surprised by the responses to this blog.  I get emails and messages on a weekly basis from people both known and unknown to me. One of the common threads in all of them is to thank me for sharing my story and then to tell me how courageous I am.  I always chuckle at that. If I give off the impression of courage, it must be because my terror isn’t coming across via the interwebz.

One reader told me that she always thought that people who are more well-traveled or intelligent than she was are unapproachable, that surely they have never been insecure or vulnerable.  She told me she would try not to carry on a conversation with people like that because she might be seen as a “dunce”.  All I could think of when reading her letter is that she is depriving all those people of the unique beauty and life perspective that she alone has.  Because all of us, every single human being, has a unique story, outlook on life, pearl of wisdom, etc.  And the only way to figure out who will connect to us is to risk vulnerability and share our stories.

I spent the last week doing professional development for teachers in a very rural place.  In that time, I had the privilege to have dinner with three other women.  The only thing we all had in common was that we were all teachers and we were all within 15 years apart in age.  We came from very different backgrounds, ethnicity, lifestyles, etc. We spent four hours sharing our stories of joy, heartbreak, betrayal, mistakes, success.  We laughed at the unpredictable nature of life and the blessings that come from unexpected places.  It was wonderful and I have a greater appreciation for each of these women because I understand their struggles, the risks they have taken, the overwhelming courage they have shown to carve the lives they wanted for themselves.  They were spectacular.  I look forward to seeing them again.

When I first started writing this blog, I debated making it personal. I was just going to make it a travel blog.  Then I realized that if someone wanted to travel to a place and find generic details they could just use Wikipedia or Lonely Planet.  Those details mean nothing without the emotion and insight of my travels attached to them.   Sharing those personal details are difficult for me, I struggle every time I hit the Publish button.  But I always come to the same conclusion, let the readers take away what they need. If there is nothing there, they they can delete.  Simple.

When I started, I figured I would be the only one reading this blog.  So to have a reader tell me that one of the things they have learned from reading it is that “human emotion is the great equalizer.  We all laugh, cry, feel joy, get scared no matter how smart, wise, famous, or wealthy we are.”  If putting my feelings out there in this blog helped one person get to the understanding that all of us have a commonality of human emotions, then the discomfort of pushing the Publish button and letting myself be vulnerable is worth it.

Many people write and ask me for advice.  For someone whose life has been so out of control for so long, I still am amazed that anyone would want my advice.  People ask me how to get the courage to try new things, how to take risks, how to make decisions without worrying, and how to handle when someone laughs at you. Well here is what I know so far that worked for me:

1. Although hiding would feel good and safe, fear is where the fun starts. Changing my life started with facing my fears, one at a time.  You have to do something you think you can’t do. Anything, just try something new.  And then do it again. You gain confidence as you experience success.

2. Keep a journal.  We have to believe our thoughts are important enough to write down. I keep a handwritten journal, I have kept it for the last 7 years.  Those journals contain all my fears, desires, thanks, joy, anger, my crazy moments…all of it.  Sometimes I have typed my handwritten thoughts out, like in this blog for example, but that isn’t the same as keeping a journal for just myself.  I have to believe that my thoughts are important, even if no one else ever reads them.

3. Get laughed at.  One of the things I know about confident people is that they realize that getting laughed at doesn’t matter.  My amazingly confident son is a great example.  He would be at the mall on an escalator and just not get off and fall. He did it on purpose just to get a reaction out of people.  The trick is to laugh at yourself with people as they are laughing at you. You have to OWN it, whatever you did that made them laugh at you. It is all about confidence. One of my favorite TED videos: The shared experience of aburdity.  My advice: be absurd and own it.

4. Go to a bar, restaurant, park or coffee shop (anywhere in public) by yourself. Yes, in public, alone. After a lifetime of being married and having kids and lots of friends, I didn’t know how to be alone in public.  So I just stayed inside all the time.  Finally, I realized I needed to get out because I was sad and lonely.  When I first started dining alone, I would bring a book, sit at the bar, get a beverage and a nice meal and read.  Now I can go anywhere alone, it doesn’t bother me at all. I love to sit and watch people.  I remember those first times, it was scary.  So here is the tip, if you are sad and lonely at home, go be sad and lonely out in a park where you are in the sunshine and there are people around.  Watch people. Just sit, put a book in your hands and pretend to read, and watch people.  You will realize they are just as insecure as you are.  Or go and actually read or write in your journal, but get outside your house.

5. Tell someone something you don’t want them to know.  Start with someone you trust. When  I am getting to know someone, I always ask them two questions, one of those questions is “what don’t you want me to know about you?”.  If that person can risk and tell me something that they think is a dark secret, the thing that they think would make me want to reject them, then I am interested in knowing them.  Because it means I can risk the same back with them and that I don’t have to hide who I am.  People who can’t do that with me are the superficial people I keep on the outer circle of my friends. I know them, I see them at parties or gatherings, but they aren’t someone I am going to be invested in keeping up a relationship with.  I learned this lesson the hard way, by giving my trust to someone who was superficial.  It was the worst mistake I have ever made.

If you want to be inspired to risk vulnerability, watch The Power of Vulnerability.  Yeah…I know, I have a slight TED video addiction.