It is funny, I usually am trying to think about what to blog that would be of interest to the people reading this.  Today someone made the comment about how “same” my posts have become. Hmm…maybe there are some of those repeat lessons I have learned, you know, the ones life tries to hit you in the head with over and over but you don’t listen? Yeah, I have a lot of those. Maybe, it takes me so long because although externally and intellectually, I have heard the lesson, I haven’t yet reached the point where I own it, where I believe it emotionally, where I believe it on the inside.

I met a great couple at dinner tonight. The wife is a yoga instructor and as we had a conversation about class tomorrow, I made one of those comments about not having practiced in awhile, being out of shape, not being athletic, not flexible enough, too fat, etc etc etc…the tape that plays in my head over and over when faced with anything physical. See, here is the thing, we all have that tape, something that tells us that we aren’t good enough.  Mine is not being athletic and/or not being pretty enough.   She said it doesn’t matter, it isn’t about being “good”, it is about believing it from the inside, it has to come from your heart or why even bother doing it? Otherwise, it is just work.  That is what this post is about.

Things I have been learning – a summary of the last 6 months

Traveling: I hate traveling. I hate living out of suitcases. I hate the feeling of having to keep up with my passport or having to worry that, if it gets lost, of not being allowed back into my own country. I hate worrying about details.  I hate the feeling of trying to figure out where I am when I have no maps, there are no street signs, and I don’t speak the language.  But as challenging as I find traveling and as much as I dislike those inconveniences, I also love the knowledge that traveling gives a person in life.

Culture is a very important thing and I am not minimizing it. But when you strip away culture, we are all human beings.  People love, laugh, get angry, hurt, sleep, eat, need…no matter what culture they are from.  As you see other people in other places, once you get over the shock of a different culture, you recognize that the underlying humanity is all the same. Love and acceptance of other people is what binds us all together.

The other thing I get from traveling is that, when I travel and am out of my comfort zone, the sounds are different, the colors are different, the smells are different, and the routine is different. All my senses are on heightened awareness.  Every cell in my body comes alive.

Lesson learned:  If you are stuck in a rut, putting yourself in a scary situation is one of the best ways to get out of it.  All our excuses of not being good enough, thin enough, athletic enough, social enough, whatever… are just excuses.  It might not feel good or comfortable, but when you get through it, you will not only have more confidence, you will feel more totally alive. You see the world around you from a very different perspective. But you have to move out of your comfort zone.  That doesn’t necessarily mean traveling, but it means facing fears head on from the inside, because that is where fear lives.

Friendships:  I am in Nepal right now with my friend Matt, who I have blogged about a lot so I won’t go into another Matt story (although I have several).  Because we are such unlikely friends (gender and age differences), a lot of people ask us how we met and are interested in our friendship.  I always tell them that sometimes the universe gives you a gift, and my gift when I was struggling to get through a divorce and learn how to be alone again was Matt.  We are only friends, but every 40 something woman getting divorced should have a platonic friendship with a younger person who can teach her how to play again after a lifetime of responsibility to a husband, children, home, job, etc.  Someone who can teach her how to put herself first.

But it isn’t a one way street.  I haven’t been the only one to benefit from that relationship, Matt has too.  He has had the benefit of being a young person and having role reversal of an older person treating him as wise, to listen to him, to take his advice. And he has asked for my advice too and I have been the one to listen or to be there for him when he needed me.  I don’t talk about those times because those are Matt’s stories to tell, not mine.  Someone tonight told me that I should write a book about this experience, but for the first time, they also told Matt that he should write it with me, because friendship doesn’t just go one way.

Lesson learned:  Tennyson said it best “I am a part of all I have met”. Every person we meet has an effect on us, and we on them. And it doesn’t matter if we think we are strong enough, thin enough, athletic enough… whatever, we still have the power to influence all that we meet. To think that we don’t have an influence on the people around us with what we say or do and that we have no responsibility to people other than ourselves is crazy.  Every person, even the beggar on the street who asked us for change has impacted us somehow.  The opposite, to believe that we influence others yet somehow others don’t influence us in return, is also incredibly unrealistic.  We are all changed by encountering and knowing other people. All of us have that power to give and receive to all the people that we meet.  We have to ask ourselves, what are we giving?  And what are we receiving from those encounters?  Whether they are positive or negative is in our control and that control happens on the inside.

I have learned that the planet is a very, very small place and that our actions have consequences.  People’s lives can be enhanced or diminished by our actions and we have to take responsibility for those actions.  In return, our lives can also be enhanced by those interactions. 

Flying with Kevin, the Egyptian vulture

Adventure:  I have had my share of adventure.  Yesterday, I got to paraglide with an Egyptian vulture who flew before me finding the thermals of air and then would come eat buffalo meat off my hand (yes while in the air) as a reward.  It was pretty amazing.  Add to that, I had a view of the Himalayas in the background and it went from amazing to spectacular.

Today, I got to go to a “vulture restaurant” where, as part of a conservation effort to help the vulture population which has been suffering in Asia, a cow which had died of natural causes was skinned and left out for the vultures to feed.  I got to watch the whole thing from the skinning to feeding and it was one of the most incredible sights I have ever witnessed. Whoever could have imagined how simultaneously majestic and awkward vultures can be? From the huge Himalayan griffins to the Egyptian vultures, the feeding was one of the most intense experiences of nature I have ever witnessed. The cow was picked clean within 60 minutes, an entire cow. It was like being straight in National Geographic live.

Kevin

The thing about vultures, is a lot of people think they are ugly.  But if you have ever watched one soar on thermals, they are some of the most majestic birds you will ever watch.  And they have value and purpose. If you take the vultures out of the ecosystem like in Asia where they have been dying, the purpose they served which is to get rid of waste gets filled by something else, dogs for example. In our minds, vultures are scary ugly creatures and dogs are happy creatures so this seems like a good thing, right?  But unlike vultures, dogs bring and spread diseases which affect humans.  They have litters of pups which then attract the jaguars from the hills for puppy snacks, but human children aren’t any different from puppies so then jaguars are killing humans too.   So the absence of the vultures means that the whole balance of life is upset.  And the reality is, vultures have a bad rap for being “ugly” just because we don’t like what they do. But they are actually beautiful birds if you look at them closely. And you just have to watch one fly, to effortlessly glide on a thermal better than just about any bird out there, well…not only are they useful, they are some of the most beautiful creatures on the planet.

Lesson learned:  So many times in life, the tape plays in our heads: I am not good enough, strong enough, or athletic enough.  I am too fat, thin, ugly, shy, I am not….enough.  Just like with the vultures, all of us, every single human being is both majestic and awkward at the same time. It is what makes us uniquely who we are.  And we are all absolutely valuable parts of the system of our lives.  We have value. Regardless of what anyone says about us or to us or how anyone judges us on being too fat, ugly, thin, dumb, not socially acceptable in whatever sphere we are in…we have value.  So let’s change the tape, push eject and put in a new one. We, no matter how we are judged for outward appearance, have value and we are beautiful. And it has no bearing on how smart, thin, athletic, rich, popular, young, or anything else other people perceive you to be. That beauty and value comes from the inside

My take away from all of this: We are all a vital part of the world around us.  We are all part of all who we have met…. and they are part of us. What diminishes one, diminishes all. What enhances one, enhances us all.  To diminish or judge others, we are actually diminishing and judging ourselves.  To compare ourselves to others, when we have our own unique place in the system, is to diminish our own worth and value. You have to believe it from the inside.

In 12 days, I will be home and I get to see Brooklyn and Charlotte.  Life is good.

Namaste